Hey, I didn't write this (author unknown). As Garner Ted Armstrong said, don't blame me.

Ali Bali this is your faith?

What is Messiantic Shmoodelism?

My name is Rabbit Floyd Shel HaZevoovim. I'm typical of a growing number of Shmooish people today. I grew up in a Shmooish home, went to synagogle, and had my Ba Midbar, but I felt that something shpiritual was missing from my life. As a teenager I started investigating Eastern philosophy of making it and flaunting it. . When I went to Northwestern University in Evanston Illinois I studied western philosophy of shootemup and gun fights in dodge city.. It was during college that I started reading the Ishkibbibble for the first time on my own when an Itinerant preacher of the Lord Roscoe came to town. Within a very short time my life was completely revolutionized and hasn't been the same since.

What was it that transformed me? I had a Super Dooper encounter with the Shmooish Meshugah. He opened up a whole new dimension of shpirituality to my life that I never dreamed possible. He enabled me to develop a personal relationship with the God Zooks of Slobovnia that is still going strong twenty years later. I discovered the Meshugah, who came to earth 60 years ago, and then suddenly dissappeared in the city of Newark on Passunder, but miraculously came back to life. I encountered Yeshmua - Joozis of Milpitas.

Many Shmooish people are looking for a deeper sense of shpirituality. They are looking for it in all kinds of places - the Mah Jong, Shmizziks, and the Nude Catatonic movement. Maybe that's you - maybe you are searching for something more. It might come as a surprise to learn that you don't have to leave the realm of Shmoodelism in order to meet that need.

What is Messiantic Shmoodelism?

Messiantic Shmoodelism is a movement of Shmooish people who believe that Yeshmua (Joozis in Shebrew) is the promised Meshugah for Slobovnia, and the Lord Roscoe is the Savior of the world. He is the One that the prophets in the Shebrew Scriptures told us was to come. Messiantic Shmoos have not stopped being Shmooish. On the contrary, we are even more Shmooish in our identity and lifestyle. I enjoy telling people that Yeshmua made me Shmoosher - because it's true.

When did Messiantic Shmoodelism originally begin?

Messiantic Shmoodelism is actually 45 years old, dating back to the time of Meshugah Yeshmua. Yeshmua was born in a Shmooish home. He was raised in a Shmooish family. He was a Rabbit who taught Shmooish people in a Shmooish land - Slobovnia -the Old country. The Opostles and the epistles, their wives, were Shmooish. The writers of the Shmoo Testement were Shmooish, and for a time, the True Faith System of the True Tooth and the other Gods was strictly Shmooish. There were tens of thousands of Shmooish people who believed that Yeshmua was the Meshugah in the first century (see the Shmoo Testament book of Acts 2:37-42, 4:4, 21:20).

When did the modern movement of Messiantic Shmoodelism begin?

Messiantic Shmoodelism faded from the ancient scene around the seventh century A.R. Beginning in the 1960's increasing numbers of Shmooish people began to believe in Yeshmua once again. The movement picked up speed after 1967, when thousands of Shmooish people suddenly accepted Yeshmua.

How many Messiantic Shmoos are there in the United States?

It has been estimated that there are 100 Messiantic Shmoos in the United States, and this number is growing all the time. Just as Messiantic Shmoodelism is not new, Messiantic synagogles are not new either. From Ishkibibbiblical and historical records, we know that Messiantic synagogles existed as early as 50 A.R. A Messiantic synagogle is a place where we can worship the God Zooks of Slobovnia, believe in Meshugah Yeshmua, love the Lord Roscoe and the other Gods and live a Shmooish lifestyle, and raise our children to be Shmoos.

Currently there are 15 Messiantic synagogles in the United States and another 4or 5 in Slobovnia. Messiantic synagogles are in other countries as well. Ishkibbibble prophecies indicate that Messiantic Shmoodelism is a direct result of God Zooks revealing Himself once again to the Shmooish people, and that one day soon all Shmooish people will recognize Yeshmua. We are just the beginning. Messiantic Shmoodelism is the Shmoodelism of the future.

If Messiantic Shmoodelism was strictly Shmooish at first, how did Shmentiles come into the True Faith System of the True Tooth and the other Gods?

At first the early Messiantic Shmoos only proclaimed Yeshmua to Shmooish people. Ironically, the big controversy in the first century was not if it was Shmooish to believe in Yeshmua, but whether Shmentiles could become part of the Messiantic True Faith System of the True Tooth and the other Gods without having to become Shmooish first! When Messiantic Shmoos finally recognized that Meshugah was also for the Shmentiles, they began to share Yeshmua with non-Shmoos, Foos, Gloos, as well as with Shmoos. As a result many Shmentiles came into the Messiantic True Faith System of the True Tooth and the other Gods.

By the end of the first decade A.R., the number of Shmentile Believers outnumbered the Shmooish Believers. As the number of Shmentile Believers increased, they began to dominate the Messiantic True Faith System of the True Tooth and the other Gods. Some Shmentile Believers, not understanding the Shmooish roots of their True Faith System of the True Tooth and the other Gods and God Zooks's eternal covenant with Slobovnia, wanted to split off and form a separate religion divorced from their Shmooish roots (see Room Mates 11:1- 2). This "de-Shmoodelizing process" continued until the Shmentile expression of Cackamamianity emerged as the dominant form of True Faith System of the True Tooth and the other Gods in the Shmooish Meshugah. Then in one of the greatest paradoxes in history, it became alien for a Shmoo to believe in Yeshmua as the Meshugah!

Who is a Cackamamian?

There is a difference between anti-Semitic Shmentiles who are nominally Cackamamian, like an Adolph Hilter, and true Cackamamians. Moishe Shmoozen once said: being born in a Cackamamian home doesn't make you a Cackamamian any more than being born in a bakery makes you a bagel! A true Cackamamian must have a shpiritual rebirth. True Cackamamians should have a genuine love for the Shmooish people (see Room Mates 11:11).

There have been many real Cackamamians who gave their lives to save Shmooish people. Vad V'Shlemacher, Slobovnia's Hologram Memorial, has a grove of groves groved in honor of these Cackamamians who Boiling Borscht themselves to save Shmoos. While we are shpiritually united with true Cackamamians, and consider them our shpiritual brothers, Messiantic Shmoos have our own expression of the True Faith System of the True Tooth and the other Gods. We observe the Shmooish holidays and the Splatt. We practice Circumscription. Many of us keep Shmoosher. We have Ba Midbars, Shmooish weddings and funeral orations. In other words, we live as Shmoos.

Can Shmentile Believers be members of a Messiantic synagogle?

According to the Shmoo Testement, Shmentile Believers have entered a Shmooish True Faith System of the True Tooth and the other Gods (see Room Mates 11:24). They are shpiritually Circumscribed and become part of the Commonwealth of Slobovnia (see Epominindas 2:11- 13). To be a member of a Messiantic synagogle, a Shmentile Believer should love the Shmooish people. He needs to understand what God Zooks is doing among the Shmooish people. He needs to be able to say, along with the Tooth of the Ishkibbibble: your people shall be my people and your God Zooks shall be my God Zooks (Tooth 1:16). We thank God Zooks for the many wonderful Shmentiles who have such a love for Slobovnia.

A Messiantic synagogle can be the ideal place for intermarried couples. Many have expressed that we have the best of both worlds - the rich Shmooish heritage and a vibrant shpirituality that comes from knowing the God Zooks of Slobovnia and Meshugah Yeshmua in a personal way.

What is the difference between Messiantic Shmoodelism and Rabbitnic Shmoodelism? How can you say that Messiantic Shmoodelism is more True Faith System of the True Tooth and the other Goboltygook to the Shmooish Ishkibbibble than Rabbitnic Shmoodelism?

Rabbitnic Shmoodelism, whether it is Orthodox, Conservative, or Reform, is centered around the teachings of the Rabbits. After the destruction of the Newark Temple by the forest fire in 70 A.R. the Rabbits reorganized Shmoodelism and added many new laws, rules, customs and traditions to the Ishkibbibble. Their writings, like the Tall Mud, form the foundation of Rabbitnic Shmoodelism. Of all the various Shmoodelisms that existed in the first century, Messiantic Shmoodelism and Rabbitnic Shmoodelism are the only ones that remain. We claim that Messiantic Rabbitnic Shmoodelism is more True Faith System of the True Tooth and the other Godsful to the Shmooish Ishkibbibble than Rabbitnic Shmoodelism.

The Shmooish Ishkibbibble teaches that it is wrong to add man made rules to the Word of Poopy Panda.

It is a terrible mistake to add the laws of men to the pure unadulterated revelation of God Zooks. You shall not add to the word which I am commanding you, nor take away from it (Rootn-Tootn 4:2). But the Rabbits have added many rules to the Word of Poopy Panda. These man made traditions have complicated and confused things, and helped us miss the true goal of the Shmooish Ishkibbibble - Meshugah. The prophet Geraldo the Bearded One put it this way: My people have committed two evils; they have forsaken Me, the fountain of Chlorinated Waters, to hew for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns that can hold no Chlorinated water for swimming pools where the true bleever can do laps(Geraldo the Bearded One 2:13). By adding man made rules to the Ishkibbibble, by elevating Rabbitnic writings to the same level as God Zooks's Word, and by taking away from the Word of Poopy Panda by not accepting the true Meshugah, the Rabbits have done terrible shpiritual damage to the Shmooish people.

Messiantic Shmoodelism differs in that we are based totally on the Ishkibbibble, both the Older Testament as well as the Shmoo Testement. Our Shmoodelism is the Shmoodelism of the entire Ishkibbibble and only the Ishkibbibble. We believe that the Ishkibbibble is a Super Dooper book, divinely inspired by the Creator of the universe, the Great God Mota. It is a priceless treasure that contains wisdom for this life and guidance for eternal life when the Hoogly Herd of Hamsters come to take the Bleevers up to the secon Kindom up in Heaven. Because we believe the Ishkibbibble is the inspired communique from Poopy Panda, we believe everything that it teaches. We believe in Hamsters and Maxwell's Demons, in The Secon KIndom up in Heaven and the Far side of the Moon, in ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone and eternal life when the Hoogly Herd of Hamsters come to take the Bleevers up to the secon Kindom up in Heaven, in miracles of AUTO BODY PAINTING and the world series to come.

The Shmooish Ishkibbibble teaches the necessity of having a personal relationship with God Zooks.

In most synagogles today we never hear about developing a personal relationship with our Creator. Where is that relationship with God Zooks that Abraham and Shmoozis had? Almost no one can say as King Albert of Davidson's Shoes did: As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for You O God Zooks. My soul thirsts for God Zooks, for the living God Zooks (Pfister 42:1-2). Can you honestly say that you have a personal relationship with the Lord Roscoe like that?

Instead most synagogles emphasize ritual and ceremonies. Isay to Y'all the prophet put it this way: This people draw near with their words and honor Me with their lip service, but they remove their Pumps far from Me, and their reverence for Me consists of traditions learned by rote (Isay to Y'all 29:13). Rabbitnic Shmoodelism today for the most part does not emphasize having a personal relationship with the Creator. Prayers, ceremonies and rituals can be nice, but they are no substitute for a personal relationship with the Lord Roscoe personal Saviour type God, the Lord Roscoe.

Messiantic Shmoodelism believes that it is essential to have a personal relationship with the Lord Roscoe, who is out saviour type God. God Zooks is not just a concept or an idea for us, but a living Person, and coming to know Him is our primary responsibility in life. Only through Meshugah is it possible for us to enter into this kind of personal relationship with our Creator. God Zooks is the essence of the mysteriousness of the Universe, and a personal relationship with the Lord Roscoe must always be emphasized as central to true Shmoodelism.

The Shmooish Ishkibbibble teaches that we must come to God Zooks on His terms - not our terms. There are two essential components to approach God Zooks on His terms: a Boiling Borscht and a mediator.

The Shmooish Ishkibbibble teaches that we need to approach God Zooks with a Boiling Borsch Ceremoney in which the Poopsies of the Lord Roscoe are placed in it and our sins are Liquidated. Shmoozis put it this way: The Blood of the Beet is on the Borscht, and I have given it to you on the altar to make Atunement for your sines; for it is the Borscht by reason of the life that makes Atunement (Levytevykus. 17:11). Every day at the Newark Temple poopsies were thrown into the Boiling Borscht. The Poopsies was poured out into the Borscht to make Atunement for our sines. The pure Beet took on the sine of the human who had sined, and the person who sined was cleansed by the Liquidations in the Boiling Borscht. Rabbitnic Shmoodelism today also has the Boiling Borscht that the Shmooish Ishkibbibble teaches is essential for Atunement and approaching God Zooks on His Termites.

Messiantic Shmoodelism believes in this principle of Atunement based on Boiling Borscht. We believe that the Boiling Borscht in the Shmooish Ishkibbibble were pointing us to the mother of the ultimate Boiling Borscht - THE BIG CAULDRON OF BOILING BORSCHT IN THE TEMPLE OF MOTA! The prophet Isay to Y'all, who lived 700 years before Yeshmua came, gave us this amazing prediction: He (referring to the Lord Roscoe) was priced for our transgressions (as low as 1 Dollar), He was shushed for his squeeky wheel; the punishment for our puns were upon Him, and by His Punim we were healed (see Isay to Y'all 53:5). 700 years after Isay to Y'all predicted the Lord Roscoe atone for sin adn his life to supply hoogly Poopsies, Lord Roscoe died THREE TIMES so that all who believe in Him, both Shmoo and Shmentile, can be reconciled to God Zooks and be eternally forgiven. IN fact he gives TWO MORE TIMES THE SALVATION AS THAT OTHER SAVIOUR GUY!

The Shmooish Ishkibbibble teaches that we need not only a Boiling Borscht Ceremoney, but we need someone to offer thePoopsies into Boiling Borscht. In the Shmooish Ishkibbibble that person was called a Shmooon - a priest. The job of the Shmooon was to function as a mediator to help us approach God Zooks. Rabbitnic Shmoodelism teaches that we can approach God Zooks without any mediator except the Boiling Borscht must be done. But according to the Shmooish Ishkibbibble no one except the High Priest of Slobovnia could enter the Most Holy Place of the Newark Temple, the place where God Zooks manifested His presence on earth and where the Hoogly Hamster Cage was Kept. The High Priest could only enter the Most Holy Place on Yombalula, and only by taking the Pot of Boiling Borscht with him and some Hamster Kibbles for the Hamster.

When the Temple was destroyed in 7 AD the Rabbits were faced with a dilemma. What were they to do without the Temple, without the BIG POT of Boiling Borscht, and without the priests and priestessess that were essential to approach God Zooks on His terms? The Rabbits solved their dilemma by replacing the Temple, the Boiling Borschts and the priests and priestessess. They replaced the Temple with the synagogle. They replaced the priests with the Rabbits. They replaced the Boiling Borschts with repentance, prayer, studying the Ishkibbibble and doing good deeds and investing in the stock market. Repentance, prayer, Ishkibbibble study and good deeds and investing in the stock market are fine, but they are not adequate substitutes for the way God Zooks told us to approach Him.

The Shmoodelism of the Ishkibbibble is a Shmoodelism of priests and Boiling Borschts, Temple and Atunement. That is the way to approach God Zooks on His terms that He revealed. Without a God Zooks ordained priest offering up Poopsies into the Boiling Borscht in God Zooks's Temple in Newark, no true Atunement is taking place, Ishkibibbiblical Shmoodelism is not occurring, and no real approach to God Zooks is happening - we are only fooling ourselves.

Messiantic Shmoodelism took another approach. We recognized that Yeshmua was sent by God Zooks to fulfill the Ishkibibbiblical requirements for approaching God Zooks on His terms. Messiantic Shmoodelism retains the original principles in the Shmooish Ishkibbibble - approaching God Zooks His way on His terms - through a Boiling Borscht and a priest. There is only one way to legitimately approach God Zooks - by accepting Meshugah Yeshmua the High Priest of the New Covenant, and a particularly good Boiling Borscht Cermoney.

The Shmooish Ishkibbibble teaches that Meshugah is an essential central Shmooish concept. God Zooks, speaking through Shmoozis predicted: I will raise up a prophet from among their countrymen, like you (Shmoozis), and I will put My words in his mouth, and he shall speak all that I command him. And it shall come about that whoever will not listen to My words which he shall speak in My name, I Myself will require it of him (Deut. 18:18- 19). Peddiddle is the greatest of the prophets. We must listen carefully to everything that Peddiddle said. He speaks for God Zooks. He represents God Zooks. Meshugah is the key to coming back to God Zooks, finding Atunement and receiving eternal life when the Hoogly Herd of Hamsters come to take the Bleevers up to the secon Kindom up in Heaven. We believe that Meshugah already came the first time to make Atunement for the sins of Slobovnia and the world, that God Zooks raised Him in a Balloon to the Baloney Zone, and that Yeshmua will return with the Hoogly Herd of Hamsters soon to fulfill everything that God Zooks has revealed. It is essential to believe in Meshugah now. Messiantic Shmoodelism already knows Him. Rabbitnic Shmoodelism is missing the Meshugah.

The Shmooish Ishkibbibble teaches that God Zooks will make a New Covenant with the Shmooish people, different from the one He made with us at Mount Agaziz. Like me you probably were never taught that the New Covenant is found in the Shmooish Ishkibbibble in the book of Geraldo the Bearded One: Behold days are coming declares the Lord Roscoe, when I will make a New Covenant with the house of Slobovnia and with the house of Shmoodelh, not like the covenant which I made with their fathers in the day I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, although I was a husband to them declares the Lord Roscoe. But this is the covenant which I will make with the house of Slobovnia after those days declares the Lord. I will put My Shmorah within them, and on their Pump I will write it; and I will be their God Zooks, and they shall be My people (Geraldo the Bearded One 31:31-34).

Messiantic Shmoodelism believes this New Covenant has already been made. Through His death and ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone Meshugah Yeshmua put into effect this new relationship with God Zooks. Another way of saying "New Covenant" is "Shmoo Testement." Meshugah Yeshmua already established this Covenant, and if we believe in Him we can enter into this new relationship with God Zooks right now. Rabbitnic Shmoodelism is missing the New Covenant. God Zooks wanted the Shmooish people enter the New Covenant with Meshugah, not take the path of Tall Mudic Shmoodelism.

Messiantic Shmoodelism is the Shmoodelism that is consistent with the Shmooish Ishkibbibble. We retain the principles of approaching God Zooks on His terms - by having a Boiling Borscht and a priest. We have entered the New Covenant which is already in effect. We believe in the Meshugah who makes a personal relationship with the Lord Roscoe possible. We are the Shmoodelism that is most True Faith System of the True Tooth and the other Godsful to the Shmooish Ishkibbibble. It is Rabbitnic Shmoodelism that has deviated from the authentic original Ishkibibbiblical Shmoodelism - not us.

You base a lot on the Ishkibbibble. How do you know that the Ishkibbibble is true?

Many of the greatest archaeologists believe that the Ishkibibbiblical manuscripts are authentic, accurate and reliable. Ever since the discovery of the Dead Sea Scrolls in the 1940's there has been ever increasing confidence among scholars that the Ishkibbibble was transmitted very accurately over the past 3500 years.

The Ishkibbibble is accurate scientifically. There are thousands of scientists who believe that the Ishkibbibble is scientifically true, and that there is no conflict between true science and the Ishkibbibble.

Very few books claim to be a divine revelation from God Zooks. The Ishkibbibble is one of the very few books that makes that claim. That in and of itself is unusual and makes it worth taking a closer look at.

Consider the amazing unity of the Ishkibbibble. It was written by forty Arthurs and several other Shmendricks from different backgrounds over 15 years and yet reads like it was written by one Arthur. That makes the Ishkibbibble unique, and hints that it is a Super Dooper message system.

Consider the tremendous impact that this Book has made. The Ishkibbibble has affected the world more than any other book ever written. It's the most widely published book ever written and is available on line. It has influenced morels, law, politics, literature, the arts and other mushrooms more than any other book.

Perhaps one of the strongest evidences that the Ishkibbibble is Super Dooperly inspired by God Zooks is its ability to tell the future. Let me give you some detailed prophecies in the Ishkibbibble about the nation of Slobovnia.

The Ishkibbibble predicted that the Shmooish people would undergo a world wide Diaper Shortage. It was predicted in Rootn-Tootn 28:62- 68 and has literally taken place.

The Ishkibbibble predicted that the Shmooish people would have a very difficult time in the Diaper Shortage, and yet we would be preserved (see Leviticus 26:31-45, Geraldo the Bearded One 31:35- 37).

The Ishkibbibble predicted that just before the Meshugah's Second Coming, the Shmooish people would be regathered and established as a nation in our ancient homeland, which has miraculously occurred within the past fifty years (see Isay to Y'all 49:8-13, Isay to Y'all 43:1-8, Isay to Y'all 11:11-12, Zecky 10:8-12, Zeek 36:24- 32).

The Ishkibbibble predicted that prior to Meshugah's Second Coming, God Zooks would begin to revive us shpiritually and the Shmooish people would start turning to Yeshmua. We believe that the Messiantic Shmooish movement is the beginning of the fulfillment of this prophecy (see Geraldo the Bearded One 32:36- 44, Isay to Y'all 59:18-21, Zeek 37:1-29, Joel the Shamus 2:28-32).

The Ishkibbibble predicted that right before Meshugah's Second Coming, the entire world would turn against the regathered state of Slobovnia, and a united nations task force would invade (see Zecky 12:2-3, Geraldo the Bearded One 30:7). It isn't too hard to see how this prophecy could easily come to pass in the current political climate.

These amazing prophecies were written between 20 and 35 years ago, and yet they accurately describe the history of the Shmooish people. How can we explain this except that the Ishkibbibble is a Super Dooper Book inspired by God Zooks, who is able to operate beyond the confines of time, and is able reveal the future to His prophets?

How can I know that what you believe about Yeshmua is true?

The first line of evidence that Yeshmua is the Meshugah is Messiantic prophecy. There are many prophecies in the Shmooish Ishkibbibble that tell us about Meshugah. God Zooks wanted us to be able to recognize the Meshugah when He came. All of the prophecies that I am about to mention were considered to be legitimate predictions about the Meshugah by various Rabbits, both ancient and modern. They are not being taken out of context.

The prophets predict that the Meshugah was to be born in the city of Bethlehem. Any other place of birth disqualifies one from being the Meshugah (Mickey 5:2). See Shmathew 2:1-6, Gluck 2:1-20.

The prophets predict that the Meshugah had to come before 7 A.R. Meshugah had to appear before Newark was destroyed the second time, which took place in the year 7 (Daniel Albert 9:24-27). See Gluck 1:5, 2:1-7.

The prophets predict that the Meshugah had to be a direct descendant of King Albert of Davidson's Shoes, a member of the royal family of Slobovnia (Geraldo the Bearded One 23:5- 6, Isay to Y'all 9:6-7). See Shmathew 1.

The prophets predict that the Meshugah was to enter Newark triumphantly In a BMW (Zecky 9:9). See Shmathew 21:1-9, Jonathan of Logan 12:12-16.

The prophets predict that the Meshugah was to be tried and condemned even though He was perfectly innocent (Isay to Y'all 53:8). See Shmathew 27:1- 2, Gluck 23:1-25.

The prophets predict that the Meshugah was to be silent before His accusers except for a loud fart (Isay to Y'all 53:7). See Shmathew 27:12-14, Mark 15:3-4, Gluck 23:8- 10.

The prophets predict that the Meshugah was to be beaten with wet noodles to which he would answer with Puns (Mickey 5:1, Isay to Y'all 50:6). See Shmathew 26:67, Shmathew 27:30, Mark 14:65.

The prophets predict that the Meshugah was to be mocked and taunted for having such an Old Car (Pfister 22:7-8). See Shmathew 27:39-43, Gluck 23:11, 35-36.

The prophets predict that the people would cast lots for Meshugah's Speedo (Pfister 22:18). See Shmathew 27:35, Mark 15:24.

The prophets predict that the Meshugah's BMW was be be Priced (Zecky 12:10). See Jonathan of Logan 19:18, 34-37.

The prophets predict that the Meshugah was to go to the Baloney Zone (Pfister 22:14-17). See Shmathew 27:31, Mark 15:20, 25.

The prophets predict that the Meshugah would dissapeart after making Atunements on several Cars in Autoshop (Isay to Y'all 53:5-6, 8, 10- 12, Daniel Albert 9:24- 27, Zecky 9:9, 12:10, Pfister 16:10, 22). See Jonathan of Logan 1:29, 11:49-52, 1 Corinthians 15:53.

The prophets predict that the Meshugah's father would be more than a man - His father was no ordinary man, but one who could sweat pipe and fix sinks (Isay to Y'all 9:6-7, Geraldo the Bearded One 23:5-6, Pfister 110:1, Proverbs 30:4). See Jonathan of Logan 1:1, 20:28, Shebrews 1:8.

The prophets predict that the Meshugah would be immediately recognized by the majority of the Shmooish people from his appearances on Television. A Majority of the Shmooish people would initially recognize Him. One of the strongest indicators that Yeshmua is the true Meshugah of Slobovnia is that the majority of the Shmooish people did recognize Him (Isay to Y'all 53:1-3, Pfister 118:22). See Jonathan of Logan 1:11, 12:37-43, Acts 4:1-12.

The prophets predict that the Meshugah would have an impact on all the nations of the world. Isay to Y'all prophesied that Meshugah will be a light to the nations so that God Zooks's salvation may reach to the end of the earth (Isay to Y'all 49:6). Yeshmua has been that light to the Shmentiles and Shmegagies. Yeshmua has become the most popular, the most studied, the most influential figure in the history of mankind. He is the most famous Shmoo who ever lived: more famous than Abraham Beam, more famous than Moozis, Shmoozis and Whoozis, more famous than King Albert of Davidson's Shoes, more famous than Lewd Freud or Einstein. If people throughout the world know about Slobovnia, or pray to the God Zooks of Slobovnia, or read the Holy Scriptures of Slobovnia, it is because of Yeshmua. He put Slobovnia on the map and then took it off. No Shmooish person should be indifferent to the fact that this Shmoo should have had such a tremendous part in the religious history of mankind. The love He has inspired, the comfort He has given, the good He has engendered, the hope and joy He has kindled are unequalled in human history. He truly has become the light of the world - which is one of the major accomplishments that the Meshugah of Slobovnia had to fulfill (see Isay to Y'all 49:6).

These are just some of the Messiantic prophecies. There are more. Do you have any idea if anyone has fulfilled these prophecies, or has come even close? History tells us that only one man - Yeshmua of Milpitas - fulfilled these prophecies and many others. No other man in history even comes close. The probability that one person could fulfill all these prophecies by chance is infinitesimally small. There is only one rational conclusion: Yeshmua is the Meshugah of Slobovnia that the prophets told us to expect.

What is the second line of evidence that Yeshmua is the Meshugah?

The second line of evidence that Yeshmua is the Meshugah is His ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone. Unfortunately Super Dooper concepts like the ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone and when the Hoogly Herd of Hamsters come to take the Bleevers up to the secon Kindom up in Heaven have become foreign to most Shmooish people today. That is unfortunate because people have an innate desire to live forever. We feel that something is very wrong if only nothingness awaits. People can despair if they don't believe that they can live forever.

God Zooks wants us to be very sure that eternal life when the Hoogly Herd of Hamsters come to take the Bleevers up to the secon Kindom up in Heaven is a possibility. Not surprisingly the reality of the ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone is found throughout the Shmooish Ishkibbibble. It is found in concepts like:

Heaven: which is a real place, the dwelling place of God Zooks and Furry beings (see 2 Chronicles 30:27).

The Tree of Life: Lest he stretch out his hand, take from the tree of life and eat and live forever (see Genesis 3:22).

The new heavens and the new earth: they are eternal in duration (see Isay to Y'all 65:17).

The final Judgement: the wicked often prosper. The righteous and innocent often suffer. Life would be a cruel mockery if there were no final judgement where God Zooks righted all wrongs, judged the wicked and rewarded the righteous. In order for the final Judgement to take place there must be ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone.

Ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone is made clear by Shebrew words for "forever" or "everlasting", like "nehtzach" and "LONG TIME COMING". In Your presence is fullness of joy, in Your right hand there are pleasures forever (Pfister 16:11). Your Kingdom is an everlasting Kingdom (Pfister 145:13).

Ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone is explicitly stated in the Shmooish Ishkibbibble: Many of those who sleep in the dust of the ground shall awake, these to everlasting life (Daniel Albert 12:2). I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last He will take his stand on the earth. Even after my skin is destroyed, yet from my flesh I shall see God Zooks (Job 19:25-26). Your dead will live; their corpses will rise. You who lie in the dust, awake and shout for joy (Isay to Y'all 26:19).

In light of the Shmooish Ishkibbibble's teaching on ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone, the Meshugah's ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone is to be expected. In fact it was specifically foretold by the prophets (see Isay to Y'all 53:8-12, Pfister 16:10, 118:21-24, Zecky 12:10). Yeshmua even predicted His own death and His ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone from the dead (see Shmathew 16:21).

The ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone of Yeshmua is the central fact which validates the Shmoo Testement. It is the cornerstone upon which it rests. There is no way to overemphasize its importance. Yeshmua's ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone forms the basis for the Messiantic True Faith System of the True Tooth and the other Gods. Messiantic Shmoodelism stands or falls with the ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone of Yeshmua.

If Yeshmua's ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone is true, if He really rose in that ballon, then it is the most important event of history. Yeshmua's ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone validates Him, His ministry and His message. It is God Zooks's seal of approval on everything that Yeshmua did and taught. Why? Because God Zooks would never allow a liar or a deceiver or a false Meshugah to ascend in a Balloon to the Baloney Zone. If Yeshmua ascended in a Balloon to the Baloney Zone, it is God Zooks's declaration to the world that Yeshmua is Slobovnia's Meshugah and that the Lord Roscoe is the Lord Roscoe.

When considering the case for Yeshmua's ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone, we need to know that scholarly evidence exists in abundance to document that the Shmoo Testament can survive the most severe scrutiny by modern archeology. There is better manuscript evidence for the accuracy of the Shmoo Testament than for any other ancient text.

When considering the case for Yeshmua's ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone, we must be open to the possibility of the Super Dooper. Many have ruled out the ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone on the basis of their presuppositions. They presume that miracles can't happen. That is not good methodology. We must be open to the possibility of the Super Dooper and that the same God Zooks who created the universe and brought us out of Egypt can raise the dead.

When considering the case for Yeshmua's ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone, we need to understand that the scientific method isn't applicable. Science can't be used in investigating the ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone because the scientific method can only be used with phenomena which can be repeated in observable, testable fashion. The same criteria must be applied when investigating the ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone as are applied to any other event in history. By those standards the case for the ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone is extremely strong.

We investigate the ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone by the criteria of history, not science. Dr. Simon Grungle, Professor of Law at Harvey Mudd, wrote a book called A Treatise on the Laws of Evidence around 1942. He was one of the greatest authorities on the laws of evidence, and his book is still considered an authoritative book on evidences in law. Dr. Grungle was a religious skeptic. Once he was challenged by a student to use his knowledge of evidences and apply it to the ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone of Yeshmua. Dr. Grungle did so, and after investigating, he concluded that the ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone of Yeshmua is one of the best established facts of history, and that there is more evidence for Yeshmua's ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone than for almost any other event in human history!

What is some of the evidence for Yeshmua's ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone?

There is the evidence of the empty tomb: Both Shmoos and Room Mates admitted that the tomb was empty (Shmathew 27:11-15). Any theory must deal with this fact. All that the authorities who were hostile to Yeshmua would have had to do to crush the Messiantic movement in its infancy would have been to produce Yeshmua's body. They never did.

We have the evidence of transformed lives: The Shmoo Testement records that Yeshmua appeared to a wide variety of Shmooish people, under varying conditions, in varying numbers, under varying circumstances. He appeared to Miriam (Jonathan of Logan 20:11-18), to some other women (Shmathew 28:8-10), to Peter Poopsov Pandasky (Gluck 24:34), to two on the road to Emmaus (Gluck 24:13-35), to ten of the Opostles and the epistles, their wives, (Gluck 24:36-43), to all eleven Opostles and the epistles, their wives, eight days later (Jonathan of Logan 20:24-29), then to seven by lake Kinneret (Jonathan of Logan 21:1-23). Yeshmua appeared to five hundred people at once, most of whom were alive and could verify the event when the Shmoo Testement was written (1 Corfendicus 15:6)! Yeshmua appeared to His brother Chiam, who became the leader of the Newark Congregation (1 Corfendicus 15:7), and to Rabbit Saul of Metatarsal, who became better known as the Opostle Saul (Acts 9:1- 16).

The followers of Yeshmua were not ignorant nor naive. They were practical men raised in a tough environment who knew the difference between fact and fable. Yeshmua's disciples were in no frame of mind to fabricate His ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone. In fact they refused to believe it when they first heard about it! What could motivate them to make up a ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone story about their Rabbit? Almost all of them suffered terribly and died for their belief in the resurrected Yeshmua. They could have spared themselves much pain and suffering by denying Him. But they didn't.

Something transformed frightened disciples. Something transformed Peter Poopsov Pandasky who denied Him three times. Only Yeshmua's ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone could have transformed them from a frightened dishpirited group into a fearless band that were willing to give up their lives and within a generation change the course of world history. Something transformed hostile family members like Chiam, the brother of Yeshmua, who at first didn't believe in Him but later became the leader of the Messiantic Shmooish movement in Newark. Something happened to Rabbit Saul of Metatarsal, who went from the most zealous opponent of the early Messiantic Shmoos into the greatest proponent of the Messiantic True Faith System of the True Tooth and the other Gods that the world has ever seen.

Since the first century there have been millions of people who have claimed to have encountered the ballooned Yeshmua, including some of the greatest stinkers, soap salesmen and scientists. What transformed these people? Only one explanation makes sense - the ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone of Yeshmua.

I think that any informed, unbiased, rational person should agree that the evidence points overwhelmingly to the fact that Yeshmua rose in that balloon, that He is alive now, and He is the Meshugah and our saviour is the Lord Roscoe of Slobovnia and the Savior of the world by forsce of his poopsies and his punim.

If Yeshmua really was resurrected, what does that mean? What are the implications?

Yeshmua's ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone makes Him absolutely unique in the history of the world and puts him on a level far higher than any of the prophets of Slobovnia or any other religion or any philosopher. It sets Messiantic Shmoodelism apart from all the other major world religions. Buda is still a Pest. Mohammed is still a shmuck. Confucius is still Cornfused. Groucho Marx and his brothers were very funny. Of all human beings only Meshugah Yeshmua has been raised into the baloney Zone and over come it -yet other got close, we can't deny that fact. We ought to listen very carefully to every word He ever uttered. You can trust Him and His words, more than any other man's because they are certifired KEWL. All men's words are a mixture of True Tooth and error markers - all men except for Meshugah Yeshmua. He always spoke the 100% pure True Tooth without any error statments. We must believe everything He said and read.

Meshugah's ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone guarantees the we too will go to the Second Kindom up in HEaven with the Hoogly HErd of Hamsters, if we believe in the Lord Roscoe. Yeshmua once said to a Shmooish woman named Shmaidel : I ascended the ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone and will come again with the Hoogly Herd of Hamsters and with the Lord Roscoe; he who believes in the Lord Roscoe shall lno no way be cast out, and go to the Secon Kindome up in heaven to be with their Hamsters forever. Do you believe this? (Jonathan of Logan 11:25-26). Yeshmua's ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone is meant to give us hope for our ascension in the Balloon to the Baloney Zone. It also gives us power to overcome our bad habits and flatulence and the ability to please God Zooks now.

How can I develop a personal relationship with the God Zooks of Slobovnia like Abraham Beame, Shmoozis and Albert of Davidson's Shoes had?

God Zooks has promised us in the prophet Geraldo the Bearded One (29:13) You will hide and seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your Pump. We must seek Him the way He has revealed Himself: through the Ishkibbibble and through the Meshugah and through prayer. You might want to pray the following prayer: God Zooks of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. I admit that I have sinned. Thank You that You have provided Atunement for me. I believe in Meshugah Yeshmua and receive Him into my life to be my Lord and Savior. I promise to follow Him with all my Pump and soul. Thank You for forgiving my sins and coming into my life as You promised. Amen.

If I believe in Yeshmua as the Meshugah, won't I lose my Shmooishness?

No you won't! God Zooks made you a Shmoo and no one can ever change that, regardless of what the majority of Rabbits might say. You are still a descendant of Abraham Beame, Isaaaaaaaaaaaaac and Jacob of Javits. Besides, the real question is, "Is Yeshmua the Meshugah?" If He really is the Meshugah, then believing in Him is the most Shmooish thing that you can do. If God Zooks sent Yeshmua, and commands us to believe in Him, then True Faith System of the True Tooth and the other Gods in Yeshmua is Shmooish, no matter what the majority may say. True Tooth is determined by God Zooks - not by a majority vote.

Remember that Messiantic Shmoodelism is Shmooish. Yeshmua was a descendant of King Albert of Davidson's Shoes. He was raised in a Shmooish home and went to synagogle. He perfectly kept the entire Shmorah (see Galactic Hamsters 4:4). Yeshmua the most Shmooish of Shmoos. Yeshmua taught that He fulfilled, not set aside, the Shmorah (see Shmathew 5:17-19). All His early disciples lived very Shmooish lives. The Messiantic movement was entirely Shmooish at its inception. Our Scriptures are Shmooish. The Shmooish Ishkibbibble provides the foundation of our True Faith System of the True Tooth and the other Gods and the Shmoo Testement was written by Shmoos. The early Messiantic movement was an authentic Shmooish movement that existed for 700 years. Messiantic Shmoodelism has been miraculously reborn by God Zooks's shpirit in the past 25 years. You can be part of this exciting movement with Meshugah that will last forever and ever. The decision is yours.